An ex that I "was serious with" for a few years emails my mom from time to time. It started after we broke up: He began to pretend to care about my family and friends -- people he never bothered with while we were dating. He also called my dad and my grandparents a couple of times. And he went to pubs he knew my Toronto friends frequented.

It's a weird situation really. I think it's her way of trying to exercise control over some portion of my life. I think it's his of trying to relay messages to me.

He emailed her on Friday to tell her that he was engaged. She told me in a quiet voice, like it might hit me hard. It didn't. I felt nothing. No sorrow for what might have been. No feelings of happines for him. No pangs of jealousy. Nothing.

So why do I feel compelled to write about it now? I guess that, even though I am not upset about it, saying that I don't feel anything is a lie.

I feel happy that I don't have any regrets about our break up. I feel sorry for him, that he would feel the need to let me know that he is doing just fine so many years later. I feel annoyed that my mom just won't stop returning his emails.

But most of all, I feel curious to know if his new finance knows he is emailing his ex-girlfriend's mom, more than three years after we have broken up.

Mike is arriving home in an hour. I am so excited. We really have not been apart for more than a day since we got married. It's been almost 8 days now.

The other day he said that he didn't realize "how much he needed me for entertainment." Apparently, it is boy-speak for "he loves and misses me." Ahhhhh.

My dad is excited to see him too. He's already started making plans for the two of them. Plans that don't involve me. Hmph.

New "The List"
1. Gord Downie
2. Tom Brady
3. Hugh Grant
4. Jon BonJovi
5. Paul Rudd

Colin Firth has been knocked out of the number three position and completely off The List. I am fickle, what can I say. Tom Brady has jumped into the number two position. Yes, I hate football but the fact that he's smokin' hot has bridged that gap.

I lost my Newfoundland accent long ago.

In fact, I can't really remember the last time a stranger said to me "you must be from Newfoundland" when they heard me speak. I think it was about 10 years ago, during my second year of university. Even people close to me say that they can not tell anymore.

It's certainly not something I am proud of. But with strong Newfoundland accents being a perceived disadvantage in business, I have adapted my speech.

Every once in a while, a saying or word slips in -- and I don't realize it until the people around me look confused. A couple of weeks ago, I told Mike that he needed to clean up the water he wasted on the table...he laughed. I then realized the rest of the world says the water spilled on the tabled.

It's funny being home now, with accents all around me. It makes me so acutely aware of my own accent...or lack there of. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the poor sentence structure and pronounciation. Other times it makes me overjoyed to hear. Then other times I am completely baffled:

My uncle said [about his new puppy]:
"It's got a bark like a rusty nail, that one."

My grandmother said [about the weight her and my grandfather had lost]:
"The weight we lost, God, you could pick that up under the bridge."

Despite being on vacation (and in Newfoundland), I am still doing a few hours of work each day to ensure I don't come back to any nightmares after the holiday break. The only problem: my dad doesn't have a computer. I am stuck doing this work hunched in a small kiosk in my hometown's tiny public library. Sigh. At least they have high speed.

Work has been all consuming lately. I have two employees that I have had to discipline before the union, which completely sucks the life out of me. The other manager in our divison quit and I am now doing double the work that I had to do previous. I have been putting in crazy hours the past few months because we are under-staffed and under-funded and I cannot bear to let things slide.

Friendships have suffered, my marriage has suffered and my family relationships have suffered.

Then I get this email from my mom this morning:

I had called several times, and you haven't returned my calls, I called yesterday and message said you are gone for the holidays, I thought at least you would had called before you left. Are you trying to give me some kind of hint?

Why can't my mother understand that her adult child might face the same challenges she faces That sometimes I might actually very busy. That sometimes the stress is so intense and unbelievable that I just don't want to talk to anyone. That sometimes I am just too tired to talk to her.

Do I have guilt that I didn't call her? Yes. Do I have guilt that I haven't talked to Brother since September. Yes. Do I have guilt that the magazines I said I would send Georgia in October are still sitting on my desk? Yes. Do I have guilt that the only way I talk to my dad is if he calls me? Yes. Do I have guilt that I haven't seen or talked to my friends Lori and Treena since my wedding? Yes. Do I have guilt that everytime Mike and I watch a move I fall asleep because I am so exhausted. Yes.

I know I am sacrificing everything for work.
I am going to quit in June.

Testing....

God it's been so long. Just trying to see if I even remember how to do this.

Two big things have happened in the last 24 hours...

1. I accepted a job with a nearby municipality. I am still going to build my business -- as that is the long term plan. But the offer was too good to refuse, given we need to pay for a wedding and a downpayment on a house and I need a new car in the next year. Plus, I always had in my head as a professional goal that I would be a Manager of Communications before the age of 30. The most exciting part is that I have an admin assistant. I am beside myself at the thought.

2. Even bigger. Mike and I adopted at kitten today. She is a grey/black tabby. Huge ears, bright eyes and very playful. Her name is Taylor. The name is basically after Charlotte's dog on Sex in the City -- Elizabeth Taylor, but Mike wouldn't let me call her the full name given he doesn't like the movie star or the television show. Taylor was a good compromise. But now Mike is telling his guy friends that we named her after the guitar brand. Bailey is adjusting as well as can be expected.

With me being on "vacation" for three weeks, things have been relatively slow regarding starting my business. However, with my savings dwindling and vacation being over as of Monday, I am ready to start. I have my first potential client meeting on Tuesday at 2 p.m. It's with the waste treatment branch of a local municipal government. They are looking for someone to write a few brochures on various subjects including composting, recycling, etc. Very exciting indeed. I hope I get the account.

I also have an interview for a "real job". When my former boss's former boss heard that I had quit, he initially contacted me to see if I would do some contract work. As of Friday, they have now asked me to interview for a Communications Manager position (they have a vacancy). I didn't say I wasn't interested. The job pays more than I made at my former job and my goal has always been to be the manager of a communications division before I was 30.

So now I am torn. Working for myself provides many benefits and I could really see my quality of life rising -- however, it does not provide a gauranteed income or pension. The job being offered would be an exciting challenge and could be a great career move but it will come with a lot of long hours and an hour-long commute. It could also gaurantee that Mike and I meet some of our short term financial goals -- including a nice wedding, a downpayment on a house and a honeymoon in Europe. But, it also means that I can only build my copywriting business -- my long-term goal -- on a part-time basis.

I guess its useless to be stressed about a situation that has not been formally presented to me. There are two of us being interviewed myself and an internal candidate, and that person could be kick ass. And there are worse situations to be in.

P.S. For the first time in my life, I have nails. Since I went to Newfoundland, I have become so relaxed, I have stopped biting them. Truly a sign of some sort of spiritual enlightenment I do believe.